Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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