talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
