My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
