I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
