I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
