youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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