I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
