I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
