At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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