today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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