It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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