i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
