The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have demons in me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
