it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
