quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
