i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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