He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
