My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
