girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
