i think i have two assholes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
