you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this boner is exhausting
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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