wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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