I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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