Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
