My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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