It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize