That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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