Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
