so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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