I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
