8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
