i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
