I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
