I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
