she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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