So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
