So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
