Define "chronic" masturbator.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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