She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize