I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
