so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
