Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
