We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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