Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
