We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
