She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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