Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
