at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
