Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
