Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
