I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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