I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
