dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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