Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
