my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
