idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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