To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
