We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
