There was a lot of him and a little penis
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
