You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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