There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
