Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
