Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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