she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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