sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think i have herpe
just one?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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