New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Found the puke drawer
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
