I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
