Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
