Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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