Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
