he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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