I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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