at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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