Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
