so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
