Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
