I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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