if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
